New Commandments
In their infinite wisdom (and surely because they have to navigate the insane drivers of Italy, the Vatican has issued a new set of Commandments for driving. But we at Wikiality are sure they don't have to stop there. It's time to extend the Commandments concept into all aspects of life. So pick a category and suggest up to ten truthy Commandments by which heroes everywhere could live more American lives. Make your suggestions below Internet Commandments # Honor Stephen by visiting Wikiality.com, The NoFactZone.net, and ColbertNation.com every day. # Thou shalt never visit Wikip*dia. # Thou shalt Google-bomb faithfully until Stephen is rightly seen as the Greatest Living American. # Always refer to the Internet as tubes or dump trucks. # Diligently wage the War on Norrisism throughout Wikiality.com. # Thou shalt not harass male interns via email, for that job is already taken. # Thou Shalt Type With Both Hands # (TBA) # (TBA) # (TBA) Worldly Goods Commandments # Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's flat panel TV, thou shalt buy thyself a bigger one # Thou Shalt Not Conserve Energy If There Is Energy To Be Had; Do Not Refuse A Natural Resources Gift From The Heavenly Father # Thou shalt buy at least seven WristStrong bracelets every week # Thou shalt not buy a foreign car, for only Hummers are acceptable # Thou shalt purchase an iPhone and donate it to Stephen # Thou shalt shop exclusively at Wal-Mart for food and useless junk # Honor thy "Made in America" sign, unless a similar foreign-made product can be purchased for cheaper # Thou shalt not buy any DVDs during the writers strike # (TBA) # (TBA) Running For President # I am the Lord, Thy Media, Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me! # Thou Shalt Use The Name of Thy Media In Vain, For The Media Hath Bring Fuckedness Upon All Things # Remember Thy Lobbyist, For He Is Holy # Honor Thy Corporate Donors # Thou Shalt Support The Death Penalty, Except in The Case of The Not Born # Thou Shalt Not Admit Committing Adultery # Thou Shalt Not Admit Stealing # Thou Shalt Not Run A Campaign Without A P.R. Firm # Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Rival's Delegates Before The Convention # Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Rival's Donors Until After He Concedes Commandments of Patriotism # Thous shalt not eat eagleburgers. # Watch Colbert everytime, period. # Tea is off limits, we're coffee drinkers on this side of the ocean. # You will not consume any from the un-American foods or beverages list. # You will not support nor reasearch any of the creatures on the Godless Killing Machine list, unless are reseraching how to kill and/or run from it. # If you see a child consuming tofu, save him before the transformation begins. # Vote in the next election, preferably for Colbert. # Community service earns brownie points with God, Jesus, and COlbert, but only if it's done in America. Do lots of it. # Covet your boss's stuff and try to get it, for such it the American way. # Thou shalt honor The Greatest President in all you do.